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Last week, NBC’s Today show aired a television segment as part of its Today’s Family series entitled, Caring for an Elderly Parent. Al Roker interviewed Elinor Ginzler from AARP and psychiatrist, Dr. Janet Taylor, on how siblings can talk openly and honestly about caring for their aging parents.

Roker noted that this inevitable and sometimes difficult decision process can become even more harrowing when siblings begin disagreeing with one another. “It can lead to major problems and broken relationships,” he added.

Ginzler began the interview by denoting some of the signs children of aging parents might observe that could indicate it may be time for them to begin more directly assisting their parents. “This is all about what we call assessing the situation—so that means when you are visiting [your parents], you’re also checking up on them.”

She added that adult children should specifically observe how their parents are looking and walking, as well as checking out the condition of the house. Ginzler also said children of aging parents should ask questions like, “Do my parents seem to be engaged the way they used to be with their friends and community around them, or have some things changed?”

Roker then noted that if you notice there are such changes and if certain living adjustments have to happen for your parents, one must walk a fine line because these are the adults that raised you and they’re not use to it being the other way around. In fact, Ginzler believes that family conversations about what’s going to happen as parents get older are a great idea and they should “happen early, happen often, and they should start even when things are ok.”

Taylor agreed, “Communication is key because with your siblings, there’s always going to be conflicts, tensions, and old sibling rivalries which come up because they haven’t been resolved. So the fact that you can talk about the commitment to your parents, and at the same time talk about the commitment to yourselves as siblings, is important—especially before a time of crisis when a change has to happen.”

If there are really divergent opinions among siblings about what to do with their parents, Taylor explains that the most important thing to do first is listen to your parents. “Clearly hear the message that your parents are giving you—that’s why it’s so important if you can witness something first-hand. Then when you’re talking to your parents about making a change, you can say, ‘I’ve noticed this…’”

Again, both experts reemphasized the importance of communication, as well as resolving old sibling conflicts and issues through this process. “Grow up, so to speak, and really think about how you communicate best [with your siblings] and do it in a way that is not antagonistic—but really meant to help your family,” added Taylor.

It is also very important that siblings themselves decide who should lead the discussion of aging and assisted care with their parents. Ginzler explained, “Siblings need to come together and decide who is the best one to carry this message, because that sibling is the one who will be listened to by mom and dad the best!”

But if sibling relationships are so bad that productive discussions about aging parents are being delayed, made inconclusive, or terminated, then Taylor suggests that adult children follow these tips for repairing fractured sibling relationships:

•    Identify the Root of the Problem—For example, if it’s old feelings about whose mom’s favorite, resolve such issues.

•    Recreate the Most Successful Way of Communicating—Think about a time not related to mom and dad when you were able to communicate effectively with your siblings. Then get your point across about your parents using those same techniques (emails, phone calls, etc.).

•    Talk About What Needs to Happen—Stay focused on the problem at hand.

•    Try to Listen and Support, Not Judge—Listening is so important and again that will help with communication. The key is to really get what mom and dad need.

Once all siblings come to an understanding and consensus about what their parents want and need as they grow older, adult children can effectively utilize the services of home remodeling companies like Home Evolutions to help their loved ones age-in-place safely and comfortably.

Are you following us on Twitter? — Home Evolutions will give you real-time updates when our latest blogs are posted as well as timely information on Aging-in-Place news from around the country.

Most of us can relate to some of the following situations: Your mother is recovering from a stroke and needs help in the home. Your uncle was just diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease and he lives alone. Your elderly neighbor is rapidly losing weight and wants you to take him to see the doctor. Your grandmother, who has dementia, needs to be placed in an assisted living facility, but you have no idea which places are good for a person living with dementia.

If you are like most people, you have no idea where to begin to look for services.  Many people call agencies listed in the telephone book.   But, how do you know if you have called a good agency?  Will they be able to help your loved one right away or do they place people on a waiting list?  Are they reliable?  Hiring someone who can answer those questions and any others you may have can make your life less stressful and can link your loved one to the best quality services.

Hiring a Geriatric Care Manager (GCM) may be the solution you are looking for.  A GCM is a licensed Social Worker or nurse who can visit someone in a private home or apartment, a nursing home or assisted living facility,or a hospital.  The GCM will visit your loved one and do an assessment to find out their needs.  Family members and friends may also be consulted to provide information about how a person has been functioning and what their needs are.

The GCM will use the information from the assessment to devise a plan for your loved one. Some of the services she can assist with are: accompanying people to appointments; arrange, screen and monitor in home help; suggest referrals for financial, legal, mental health, or medical issues; arrange to move an older person to or from a nursing home, assisted living, or a private residence; and assist with daily money management and other financial concerns. Counseling and emotional support to family members is another service offered by some GCMs.

Family members are kept informed about all issues that arise. This helps them to continue with their family and community responsibilities, maintain their own physical and mental health, and still make sure their loved one is being well taken care of.

GCM’s charges a fee for their services. Medicare or other types of insurance do not cover a GCM’s fee. Many of the services suggested are covered by Medicare or other private insurance, free, or the fees are based on a sliding scale.

More information about GCMs can be found on the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers website- www.caremanager.org.  There is a link to a listing of all the GCMs in the Greater Pittsburgh area.  The national chapter can also be reached at 520-881-8008.

Are you following us on Twitter? — Home Evolutions will give you real-time updates when our latest blogs are posted as well as timely information on Aging-in-Place news from around the country.

Another survey, this one recently conducted by the Home Safety Council, a nonprofit organization dedicated to preventing home-related injuries, found that most seniors prefer staying in their home instead of moving to a senior living community.

According to this article by the New York Times, staying in your home is not only more comfortable it also makes economic sense.  The average annual fees at an assisted living facility are $34,000. In more expensive metropolitan areas, like New York, it’s closer to $70,000.

While your home environment can be a great support to aging-in-place, Jon Pynoos, professor of gerontology at the University of Southern California, warns that it could be a health care hazard. Each year, nearly 7,000 seniors in the U.S. die from home-related accidents, and millions are seriously injured. Falls are the leading cause of injuries, but seniors and people with disabilities are also at risk for being burned by the stove, scalded by hot water, or drowning in the tub.

If you want to make your own home or an older relative or friend’s home a safer, more comfortable place to live, here are some basic guidelines to the most efficient and cost-effective approaches.

Reduce House Hazards
Learn where your potential hazards are and how you can reduce them. Go to the Home Safety Council’s site, MySafeHome.net, and take the house tour, which points out possible dangers room-by-room. Many of the recommended changes are simple and inexpensive, like removing area rugs and installing brighter light bulbs.

Professional Assessment
If you have multiple medical issues, ask your doctor for a referral to an occupational therapist (O.T.) or contact a company like Home Evolutions that specializes in home modifications. The O.T. or Certified Aging in Place Specialist (CAPS) from Home Evolutions can analyze your potential challenges and your home’s shortcomings and offer improvement suggestions. An O.T. can supply you with an invoice that lists the medical necessity of each improvement—a document that you might need to get reimbursed from a long-term care insurer.

Long-Term Care Coverage
If you have a plan, ask your insurance agent whether home modifications are covered under your plan and what documentation you need to be reimbursed. A policy will not pay for upgrades if you’re still healthy.

Home Equity/Reverse Mortgages
If you want to make substantial modifications to your home, but don’t have the cash on hand, consider taking out a home equity loan. For information on how you can tap into your home equity, go to LongTermCare.gov.

If a bank won’t give you a home equity loan, consider a reverse mortgage. Available to people over 62, a reverse mortgage lets you convert the equity in your home into cash. But the fees can be substantial, so be sure to speak with a financial planner before taking out this type of mortgage.

No Money?
Contact your local department of aging and inquire about home modification loans and services available to seniors. Use the federal government’s elder care locator — www.eldercare.gov — to find your local office, or call 800-677-1116. Some government agencies make low-interest loans to those with low or moderate incomes.

Finally, get in touch with Rebuilding Together (www.rebuildingtogether.org, or 1-800-473-4229), a national nonprofit organization that helps people with low incomes improve their homes. The organization’s Safe at Home program was created specifically to help seniors stay safe as you age in place.

Are you following us on Twitter? — Home Evolutions will give you real-time updates when our latest blogs are posted as well as timely information on Aging-in-Place news from around the country.

As Baby Boomers continue to age, not only are they concerned with their own health and aging-in-place options, but they are often involved with the aging considerations and well-being of elder parents and other relatives whom they assist. In fact, witnessing parents grow older can be an emotional drain on adult children.

When we age and as our health changes, it is very natural to become focused on ourselves and worry about our own well-being. If we are also faced with the responsibility of assisting parents or other loved ones as they age too, there can often be additional stress and personal difficulties as a result.

A recent article offers 10 tips that Baby Boomers should consider as they help care for and interact with their aging parents. These tips can reduce your and your parents’ stress levels, as well as provide some productive aging-in-place ideas.

According to Dr. Timothy Schwab, chief medical officer of SCAN Health Plan, parental aging is often a psychological wake-up call for Baby Boomers because it reminds them that they are also aging. “It’s the time when Boomers are first dealing with the reality that their parents are no longer as physically or mentally sharp as they once were.” Schwab believes it is very important for adult children to recognize and appreciate these changes. “They [Baby Boomers] also need to ask themselves, ‘How can I help my parents remain strong and independent for as long as possible?’”

Here are 10 considerations that Baby Boomers should keep in mind as they interact with their aging parents:

1. Hearing Loss – Nearly half of all people over 65 experience some hearing loss. If that is happening to your parents, try speaking in a slightly louder tone—but don’t shout! Also try speaking in a lower pitch, because high frequency sounds become harder to hear. Plus, be careful to not drop off sounds at the end of sentences and make sure you face your parents directly when speaking so they can see your lips and gestures.

2. Vision Loss – Older adults should have a complete eye exam every one to two years. If your parents’ sight is worsening, encourage them to try prescription reading glasses, large-print reading materials, or magnifying aids.

3. Falling Hazards – More than one-third of adults over 65 fall each year. If your parents’ balance or strength is fading, consult a physician—and if necessary, get them the right kind of cane, walker, or wheelchair. Always check homes for tripping hazards such as loose rugs or poorly placed extension cords. Also consider installing grab bars and non-slip rubber mats in the tub or shower.

4. Managing Arthritis – In addition to a medical treatment plan, adaptive equipment (such as wide holders for toothbrushes and easier tops for pill containers), can help your parents better handle household items.

5. Changes In Eating Or Sleeping Patterns – These changes as well as losing interest in activities that once brought pleasure can be signs of depression. Be sure to have these symptoms evaluated by a physician.

6. Decreased Ability To Mentally Retain Information – Limit your statements to one idea at a time and avoid jargon or technical terms (such as computer speak), which may be common to your generation, but foreign to theirs. When your parents are talking, be patient and don’t interrupt. The first thing said may not be the most important thing on their minds, and once interrupted, they may not return to their pressing issue.

7. Minor Memory Loss Is Normal – If your parents are dealing with some memory loss, keep questions simple and avoid multiple choices. Politely ask them to repeat important information so you know that it has been heard and understood.

8. Alzheimer’s Disease Or Dementia – Both of these can lead to a gradual decline in performing daily activities. If this is the case, children should develop familiar routines for their parents.

9. Caregiver Options – Discuss care-giving needs with your parents and other loved ones. Find ways that each family member can help provide support. Also consider utilizing the services of care managers, clergy members, or family counselors.

10. Consult With Physicians Whom Your Parents Trust – Also have a health plan that will best support your parents by providing health management programs and practical support services that don’t drain the family financially and will allow them to remain independent and in their own home for as long as possible.

Overall, sometimes the best tip is the easiest and most natural—when interacting with aging parents, always proceed with love and understanding. Schwab concludes, “Love and patience go a long way. With greater understanding of the aging process, adult children can nurture their family bond while helping their parents maintain the dignity and quality of life that they richly deserve.”

Remodeling companies like Home Evolutions can assist you and your parents to better cope with aging by helping them remain living comfortably and safely in their own homes.

Are you following us on Twitter? — Home Evolutions will give you real-time updates when our latest blogs are posted as well as timely information on Aging-in-Place news from around the country.